Life Crisis - Causes, Symptoms and Help

A crisis is the height and tipping point of a dangerous development - a difficult situation. In Greek, krisis originally meant decision, later escalation, and this indicates that a crisis forces decisions. A life crisis therefore means that a situation is so difficult that it challenges one's own lifestyle. Here are the most important ones in brief:

• On the one hand, a life crisis is the particular challenge at a certain age.
• Second, life crises signify elementary cuts that force those affected to reshape their own lives.
• How much a life crisis affects a person depends heavily on their psychological stability.
• Life crises are particularly striking when they concern an area that is extremely important to this particular person: work, family, appearance, possessions, etc.

contents

• Crises are part of life
• turning points
• Break with the routine
• Where are life crises meeting us??
• Symptoms of life crises
• Master a life crisis
• Get out of the tunnel
• Accept help
• Can a crisis also have a positive effect?
• If it does not go on

Crises are part of life

Whether we like it or not, we all go through such life crises. Every human being is in a crisis in certain stages of life in which he has to face challenges. In life, there are eight crisis phases that we can not handle as they evolve out of the biological process, in interaction with genes and social environment.

Every person goes through various crises in his life. Dealing with it and your own psyche determine how much you burden these crises. (Image: bilderstoeckchen / fotolia.com)

As we overcome these age crises, it strengthens our (social, sexual, etc.) identity, and we can tackle the next stage of life with full force. But if we do not succeed in overcoming an obsolete period of life, then those deficits in life that are still to come will burden us: we then struggle with conflicts that should no longer play a role; Fears plague us who belong to the past; We do not trust ourselves or our environment. Loss anxiety and guilt characterize such unprocessed life processes.

1.) The basic trust

In the first year of life, basic trust is formed. The infant receives closeness, security and security. If the mother does not give it to him, then experiences in the unconscious form that disturb this person in later life: helplessness, the feeling of having no influence on the environment, unfulfilled hunger for affection and recognition. Such people often feel empty and lonely later on. They suffer from a diffuse sense of being threatened - often developing depressive illnesses, constantly seeking new stimuli to escape the feeling of emptiness. They generally react with distrust to other people.

For this first phase, there is no concept of how those affected could master this crisis themselves. The baby is helpless! Whether it develops basic trust or primary mistrust, it is solely up to the adults who take care of the child (or not).

2.) shame, guilt and autonomy

In the second and third year the child tries out. It begins to understand itself as an ego and learns to distinguish between right and wrong. The "defiance phase" of the three-year-old can be summed up as the magical experience of the "I want". Essential for a healthy development in this phase is that the child understands to be able to follow his will, even if this does not correspond to that of the parents and still learn from this love and security. Then the child learns that it is not always dependent on the parents.

Parents can disrupt (destroy) this process of self-realization by punishing the child for this necessary trial of "I want". This was the rule in authoritarian education in the past and was instrumental in ensuring that National Socialism gained a foothold in Germany. Such parents suggest to the child to be good if it only does what the parents like, for example to be quiet; they make the child's own needs dirty and deprive him of the possibilities or punish them with mental and physical violence.

It is important for the development of a child to develop his own will and to accept it as accepted, and not just that of the parents. (Image: Alfira / fotolia.com)

Such children are ashamed of their feelings, they feel guilt for their needs. In later life, they often suffer from compulsion, are under control and want to be perfect for fear they might do something wrong. From the fourth to the sixth year, the child slowly dissolves from the mother and tests social roles outside the family. Here, the conscience is characterized, because humans can and must now assess their own behavior. If the child is punished now because it acts independently, then it develops the guilt feeling for autonomy.

The consequence is that man divides needs and urges as "bad" and later structures his life according to the will of others. The harder the punishment for one's own behavior, the stronger the child displaces his wishes, until at some point they confront him as "demons". In dire cases, in later life, such people project their own impulses on other people, secretly longing for it, and at the same time trying to destroy what is projected into the others.

3.) life crisis puberty

In retrospect, the teenage years often appear to us as golden youth, but are also one of the essential phases for life crises. A life crisis is always the puberty, because a period of life passes (the childhood) and a new one is not yet begun (adulthood). The hormones are crazy, in boys and girls; our body is changing, and these changes are unsettling all human beings.

The biological change is accompanied by a social change. We join peer groups of peers - we are now getting to know society. We deliberately and unconsciously search for our identity and try out many roles. We also try different social groups. We test our limits. We test how the outside world reacts to us.

In the sense of an escalation, puberty is a permanent crisis, which forces us daily to make decisions that we revise just as quickly. It is not necessary to set the course in the long term. As soon as we change our minds, head for a new clique or change our taste in music, we are so radically convinced of what we do in the here and now. At puberty, our feelings often say "Not at all," and it's hard for us to stand contradictory. We have to test extremes in this phase - otherwise we would not be able to integrate them later.

In this time of crisis, the transition from one state, that of childhood, to another, of adulthood, many things can go wrong. If everything goes well, then at age 18, we have built an identity in which self-perception and the perception of others go hand in hand. This gives us the feeling "I know who I am". A stable construction of one's identity enables us to remain true to ourselves, because we know what we remain true to.

There is a danger, however, of sticking to childhood. Not only the changing body, but also the big world outside unsettle. Overprotected children with anxious parents are now afraid to step into the outside world. For example, they avoid first sexual contacts or secretly continue to play with their children's toys. They do not exactly make the experience necessary for the tire. Her world remains small, her perception cramped.

Later, over-sheltered children often have trouble finding new ways to go their own way and cling to childlike patterns. (Image: pixarno / fotolia.com)

Those people who do not manage to stand on their own two feet during puberty will later cling rigidly to the self-images adults conveyed to them in their childhood. Precisely because they did not play the roles in puberty, they often hate people in adulthood who live the freedoms they did not dare. Or, they catch up on adolescent puberty experiences and then miss out on experiences that would be important in this other stage of life.

The eternal youth

There is also a type which the psychologist Carl Gustav Jung described as puer aeternuus, as an eternal youth. Although this makes the move to puberty, but remains trapped in an adolescent behavior. Even in his mid-30s, his life still consists of fragments. He continues to play the terrible child, although he is already grown up. Agreements are not binding on him, his head is full of interesting ideas, which he does not implement. If he is sitting on one topic, he jumps to the next.

This is not due to a lack of intelligence, but to the fact that the "seriousness of life", ie the adulthood, makes him afraid. Such a person fails to develop a self-construction in puberty that is reasonably stable. Without such a self-concept he also lacks a life-structure.

turning points

If crisis means turn, then a life crisis is an event in which our lives change. Besides the described ripening processes, these can be other external and internal vibrations:

• A loved one dies.
• Your partner separates from them, or they separate from him.
• They learn that they are suffering from a serious illness.
• They have an accident, after which they have to reorganize their lives.
• They lose their jobs.
• They have finished their education and can not find work.
• They have to leave their familiar environment for their job.
• Her work seems meaningless to her.
• They are bullied at work.
• Your children, parents, siblings, etc. have existential problems.
• You are in the debt trap.
• They become victims of a crime.
• They will be delinquent.

In addition to the described crises during the maturation process, of course, other, drastic events can lead to a crisis. (Image: fovito / fotolia.com)

Break with the routine

A life crisis shakes the routine. Almost all people have fixed points in their everyday lives that have become so obvious that they hardly or hardly reflect them. We feel safe in this coordinate system. We know it and move in without having to invest additional energy. But this also shows why certain life crises also offer a chance. If everything goes smoothly, there is no challenge to try new ways.

However, the crisis forces us to do so, so we can develop skills and get to know aspects of ourselves that we did not even know existed before. In general, dealing with crises also shows here: the more rigid a person clings to his lifestyle, the more helpless he will feel when this structure breaks up.

Where are life crises meeting us??

Every human being is different. First, we all deal with life crises differently; second, life crises hit us more or less, depending on how important this area is to us. If, for example, a person defines himself or herself exclusively through his work, then the loss of his job hits him with full force. Not only is he planning rationally how he might get another job, but his entire construction of identity is under attack. His self-esteem loses. To the questions "what can I do" and "what's next" comes the feeling of being inferior or even feeling guilty, but not having given everything.

On the other hand, if you are not strongly attached to your present position, losing one's job will not trigger existential fears. He may now think about where he gets the money to live, informs himself about retraining and generally keeps his eyes open. As a basic threat, he will not notice a termination.

For example, while the death of his partner at a ripe old age is a crisis for every human being, he will especially meet a woman who had previously committed her life to her husband, never went on vacation alone, did not work, and did not pursue her own hobbies. For them, not only the beloved partner, but the life content disappears.

Even for a young adult who still lives on his parents' money, comes to eat with his mother, never learned to fill his own tax return or clean up his apartment, the mother's death is a multiple crisis. He is not only emotionally lacking the caregiver, but now he is forced to do what he has avoided so far: he has to organize his own life.

Someone who has never properly learned to stand on their own feet suffers more from the loss of those on whom he depended. (Image: Animaflora PicsStock / fotolia.com)

Symptoms of life crises

Often we recognize life crises late, because the triggers are not always obvious. Often, the crisis develops slowly. For example, if we have studied something for the wrong reasons that we do not like and that we do not like, symptoms will eventually appear. Suppose someone is studying medicine because the parents wanted it. As a brave son, he always did what his parents demanded and slowly grows the repressed discomfort, not to follow their own interests.

It is precisely such people who have not learned to ask themselves how they feel and to listen to their own feelings. Often, they develop negative mechanisms to overcome their problems. This sometimes shows signs of a life crisis.

The student described now smokes like a vent, on the weekend he drinks almost unconscious. He kisses to fall asleep, otherwise he suffers from sleep disturbances. He often has infections, is permanently cold in winter, but shows no tangible diseases. In other words, the body shows with the symptoms the life crisis that this person denies to himself.

The symptoms of a life crisis are similar to those of depression and burnout syndrome. They include intrapsychic aspects as well as psychosocial and psychosomatic ones. These include lack of drive, future as well as fear of loss, constant pondering on the meaning of life, which leads to no result, depression, sadness, irritability, fluctuating moods, negative thoughts, insecurity, hopelessness such as self-doubt, but also physical symptoms such as shortness of breath, tachycardia , Nausea, stomach ache, headache and loss of appetite.

Master a life crisis

How well someone masters a life crisis, or whether he or she gets into one, depends heavily on one's own resilience, which in turn is related to the strength of the self-concept. People with an unstable psyche are already throwing things off course, in which more emotionally stable people may just shrug their shoulders. Some people hardly get up after a life-shaking, others emerge stronger from it.

As banal as it reads: Often it is a matter of will, whether we come from a crisis stronger or weaker. Anyone who has learned to be mindful can deal better with crises than people who accept or ignore everything around them. If you develop mindfulness, you do not focus solely on what is not going on, but you also see other things, including beautiful things, around you. Put simply, if he has lost his job, he still enjoys the rustling of the trees in the wind and enjoys the fresh air on his skin during a forest walk. He sees the things nobody can take from him. Or he thinks of people who are worse off than they are in every way.

It often helps to focus on the beautiful things around you, rather than quarreling about negatives that can not be changed anyway. (Image: Grigory Bruev / fotolia.com)

Get out of the tunnel

Advice is easier said than done because, like in depression, people in a life crisis develop a tunnel vision. It is best for those who are prepared for crises and therefore already knows that he focuses in the crisis on a narrowed realm of reality.
If I know that, then I can abstract from my feelings: I know that I am in a crisis; I know that I have negative thoughts now; I know that I currently lack the drive. But I can state that my feelings are related to the current crisis and will be over when the crisis is over.

I can deliberately force myself to think about things in the very field that causes the crisis and what I've done in the past. Having lost my job, I now think of times when I was successful. The acute situation puts it in a different light. It loses its immediate threat and becomes a problem that can be handled. Most importantly, remember past crises. Remember how she left her first girlfriend when she was 16 years old. How the world went down in their feelings, how they could not eat anymore and could not sleep anymore. And? At some point they were well again.

In a life crisis, it can be very helpful if you do something for your health. Take walks in the nature, hike, move. Cook with fresh ingredients. As simple as that sounds, it can be as effective. When you move outside, the brain also "moves". Synapses are activated, which are otherwise broken, they come to other than the gloomy thoughts that revolve around their crisis.

Accept help

A crisis is characterized above all by the fact that you are challenged. The difference between challenge and overstrain is small. When you are in crisis, you have reached a limit: you can barely solve the difficulties yourself. Many people find this difficult to admit. But that will make the crisis worse.

To show their weaknesses to friends, relatives, confidants shows true strength and is an important step in dealing with the crisis. Shared suffering is not only half suffering, it also gives you input on how best to solve your problems. They get help. It can also be clinical help - from doctors who specialize in life crises.

First of all, her friends are in demand. The rule is that if you are not one of those who put every little problem into their social environment, then in a crisis, friends are just the ones who will listen to them and help them get through the crisis. More precisely, this shows who really are their friends, and that is an important insight in a life crisis.

If you are in a crisis, your friends are in demand. Reveal them, even if they find it difficult. (Image: Photographee.eu/fotolia.com)

Can a crisis also have a positive effect?

Admittedly, calling a crisis positive must first strike someone in the face like a slap. However, as life crises can not be avoided, we should use them because they also offer potential if we consciously use them. Crises can make us better appreciate the essentials: I have lost my job but have learned that I have good friends. I was in need and I realized now who I can really rely on. If I've gotten through a life crisis, then maybe I've learned to accept myself better than before, and also appreciate the one I was ashamed of before.

Those who experience a life crisis often find that they are much stronger than before, even if scars remain. And most of all, we understand that life goes on. Did you actively work on your crisis? Then there is the added confidence that they were previously unknown.

If it does not go on

But sometimes the crisis strikes you so that you can not help in an acute situation. They do not get any further, their mental resources are used up. They need crisis assistance. Call the telephone counseling department immediately at 0800-1110111. (Dr. Utz Anhalt)