Vacation tips from the therapist for couples

Vacation tips from the therapist: Couples expect too much from their holiday together

07/11/2012

„The holiday was terrible. We argued all the time.“ Couple therapists often hear this phrase. Dariush Barsfeld, author and couple therapist from Darmstadt, explains why the holiday together brings many conflicts and how couples can avoid quarrels.

Avoid lazy compromises
„Everyday life covers many problems that become visible on vacation“, reports Barsfeld. Often couples make lame compromises. „If he wants to go to the mountains and she wants to go to the sea, it's nonsense to call a quarry pond in the Harz region“, says the couple therapist. „This is a lose-lose situation. Then both are unhappy.“ It would be better to spend the holiday by the sea and the next in the mountains. The same applies to holiday activities. If he wants to go to the golf course and take her to the beach, you could go for a day at the beach and a golfing day, says Barsfeld. „But you do not always want to do everything together“, emphasizes the expert. „Going on separate paths on holiday, is not a drama.“

That solving problems on vacation by itself, was unrealistic. „It is always dangerous when the holiday is viewed as a repair of life“, reports Barsfeld. „He can not afford that.“ Because vacation often means long flights, heat, an unfamiliar environment, and sometimes stress and annoyance in the hotel. Barsfeld warns that everyone will inevitably be disappointed, who expects too much romance and gigantic sex.

Social pedagogue Gritli Bertram from Hannover advises couples not to overstate a dispute on vacation: „While in everyday life there is little time for detailed discussions, sometimes too much is on vacation.“ It is quite normal that it sometimes comes to conflicts, if the partners previously see little and during the holiday at one time 24 hours a day. To prevent this, couples should also consciously take time outside of the holiday. (Ag)

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