Psyche So you get along much better with difficult relatives at Christmas

So that the feast of love does not become a nuisance

At Christmas, the whole family meets to give presents, eat together, drink and spend time together. In many families it also comes to the meeting of disagreeable family members. Whether it's the dominant mother-in-law, the know-it-all brother or the weird uncle - in many families there is one person with whom a confrontation is virtually pre-programmed. An experienced sociologist gives tips on how to deal with difficult relatives better, so that Christmas does not become a family drama.

Dr. Christine Carter is a sociologist and has participated in numerous social studies at the University of California. As a writer, she also wrote several successful psychological books and was the director of the parenting blog Raising Happiness. For Christmas, the psychology expert gives tips on how to deal with difficult relatives, so that Christmas actually remains the feast of love. Do you have someone with whom you have a hard time at Christmas? That can help.

With a few simple psychological tricks, even difficult relatives can be better tolerated, so that Christmas does not become a drama. (Image: Sebastian Gauert / fotolia.com)

Give people something to do because they want to do something

According to Carter, many conflicts arise from a desire to be useful and part of something greater. Giving difficult people a task gives them the opportunity to focus on something other than themselves. The way the task is done should then be left to the person. If you ask someone to do something, you should also add a reason. According to the sociologist, a study has shown that the word "because" causes the request to be more likely to be accepted and executed. The call "It would be great if you could still peel the carrots, because we need them right to cook" is more promising, according to Carter than "Would you peel the carrots, please".

First, take care of your own needs

According to Dr. Carter is a lot harder to control his emotions when tired or in stress. In a thin-skinned state, combat or escape reactions are much faster. One should try as possible to keep calm. If you realize that you get angry, then you should better leave the room in difficult situations and first breathe deeply.

Refrain from teaching

As the sociologist explains, we often feel the strong desire to show the alleged mistakes to the difficult person. But that does not make the situation any easier. Instead, it's better to focus on helping other people or even the difficult person himself.

Accept instead of change

You want to build a closer relationship with a relative, but are always disappointed if he or she does not behave as you would imagine? Instead of wanting to change another person, Carter advises you to accept the person as it is - including any inconvenience. You should also let go of the thought that things must happen just as you would imagine.

Empathy instead of correction

The expert recommends trying to just listen to the difficult person and trying to understand why that person thinks that way. That does not mean that you have to agree with the person's point of view. Carter cites psychological research evidence that shows people are better at coping with each other's views without condemning or condemning them. "We are all just looking for love and recognition," says the sociologist. At Christmas time, this is the greatest gift we can give a difficult person - and ourselves. (Vb)