Dad, are you an alcoholic?

"Dad you're an alcoholic!": Addictive behavior of family members better after Christmas address

12/25/2012

Signs of alcoholism in front of relatives can no longer be kept secret, especially at Christmas. Before distributing the gifts, take a long drink. For family members that is hardly sustainable. Nevertheless, an expert advises to focus on the addictive behavior only after the Christmas holidays and instead operate damage limitation. Otherwise, the festival could be hit by a significant mood low.

Christmas is not the best time to clarify addiction issues
According to Raphael Gaßmann, Managing Director of the German Center for Addiction Issues (DHS), Christmas is not necessarily the ideal time to make family members aware of their obvious alcohol problems. Anyone who has long suspected that the father or mother could be an alcoholic, should observe the addictive behavior on Christmas holidays by far and carefully. For just the festive time with the family is for many addiction patients a particularly stressful situation and an emotional challenge. To address the problem in the presence of other relatives and acquaintances, „was conceivably unsuitable“, admonishes the addiction expert. „The family is around, that only leads to classic disputes“. This inevitably leads to quarrels and probably to cancel the joint Christmas party.

First aid and damage control
More effective, on the other hand, is a kind of „First aid“ offer. So it should not be actively involved, that a drunk man gets even more schnapps. Although one should the behavior of the person concerned „Do not blame with your forefinger, but you should not continue to provide him with alcohol“, so Gassmann.

Sayings like „Oh, come on, let's have another drink“, should not be pronounced in the presence of the alcoholic. In order not to force the addictive behavior of the person concerned, relatives should not even drink alcohol. On the one hand, this promotes the addict's behavior, on the other hand, one's own behavior offers scope for later pronunciation. „You were blue at Christmas“, is then often held against.

A few days later a private conversation
To share the experience with the person concerned, the next meeting could be used. It would be best if the person concerned alone „to talk in private“, explains the expert. However, it is important not to surprise the addict and not to present himself as something better. The sentence: „You have a problem“, usually only causes the other party to take a defensive position. Expressing concern, on the other hand, is much better. For example, the sentence could be with „I'm worried about you“ begin. That sounds less like blame, morality or reproach.

„A first conversation can at most lay the foundation for finding help“, says the graduate social pedagogue and patient adviser Gritli Bertram. Moving a family member to move away from alcohol without using external help is almost hopeless. „Much is achieved, however, if the person concerned turns to a specialized counseling center. To accompany a companion can be offered“, advises the teacher. Accompanying the counseling center is helpful, because the fear of the threshold can be overcome together. (Sb)

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Picture: Gerd Altmann