Older parents often need support

As parents get older, they often need help

06/03/2015

As parents get older, they can sometimes overwhelm making decisions. Often the children only learn about it when there are problems. The news agency „dpa“ Talked to experts about how children can best support their parents without patronizing them. Because allegations do not help.

Excessive demands of parents with age
Previously, they would never have completed a questionable insurance, today had the insurance agent easy game. Parents signed although they were not sure if they really needed the insurance. With age, many people are overwhelmed when it comes to making certain decisions. Outwardly, some behave then strange. This is particularly difficult for the children, who suddenly have to take care of their parents, after having been the other way around for years.

If overburdened parents approach their children with a problem like dubious insurance, they should not be blamed for allegations like that „I could have said that to you right away“ or „Why did not you ask me first?“ react. „Of course you can get angry, but reproaches bring no one on, "said Eva-Maria Popp, coach and communications coach from Pfarrkirchen near Passau, told the news agency.

Even the children can be overwhelmed and confused in such moments. Thoughts like „Are my parents still able to make important decisions?“, „Will you be senile now?“ or „What do I do if they continue to break down spiritually?“ Not infrequently children are involved in internal conflicts. sometimes there is an urge for control to prevent worse. Most of the time the kids feel good, but parents feel patronized when decisions are made over their heads.

Children should signal support to older parents
Psychotherapist Roswitha Brühl also points out to the news agency that everyone makes a mistake and that it is not always the fault of age. „Nobody is protected from making wrong decisions - parents just as little as children, "says Brühl.
„One should go in and put oneself in the other: If it were me, how would I want to be treated with it? ", The psychological psychotherapist and author Helga Maria Lauchart advises in an interview with the agency that children should signal their parents that they are on their side: „We hold together, I support you. Then we will solve the problem together ".

However, children should not expect to be included in their parents' decisions from that point onwards. „It's important to find your own position, "emphasizes Popp, so children need to find out for themselves how much they want to engage and engage with their parents.

Older parents remain mature people
Generally be „Active listening“ important in the family, explains Popp. This includes asking many questions and reading between the lines. For example, if the mother spent a lot of money on home shopping again, children should ask why the mother behaved like this. „You should ask yourself what's behind it, why she does it. "Maybe she's lonely and likes to talk on the phone to the home-shopping network, so it makes sense to get her in contact with people A shopping spree is then often more helpful than the mother financially support because of their high expenses, but the children should not force this. „Even caring tutelage is paternalism, "Brühl reports, as parents get older, they still remain mature people with their own views and ideas.

Children should therefore question their own behavior. Is it really concern for the parents or interest in them? Or does the kids motivate their desire for control or even inheritance??

Many older people are afraid of losing their independence and therefore reject support. Patronage and control are then particularly counterproductive. On the other hand, children's messages can do a lot: „I would feel much better if I could help you“. If parents do not accept the offer of help, that is fine. „This is also a decision of the parents to respect”, so pop. (Ag)