Always reluctant What to do with listlessness of the partner?

What to do if the partner's desire for sex subsides?
In a long partnership, it is not uncommon for some to have sex, but not for others. However, when such situations become permanent, it can permanently damage the relationship. Experts advise in such cases to face the problem as early as possible.

Often it can not be enough in the beginning
If couples get together, they often can not have enough sex at the beginning. For many, it is almost too little to just sleep together once a day. But over the years, the desire for physical love fades away. If only one partner does this, it can lead to serious conflicts in the long term. Experts advise in such cases to look for the causes as early as possible and to focus on the strengths of the partnership in relationship problems.

To make the sex life more qualitative and better, it can help to spend more time in everyday life. For example, scientists recently reported in the journal "Journal of Marriage and Family" on a study that shows that common housework leads to more sex. In a news agency dpa news agency have more tips for couples, where the desire for sex has diminished.

A newly in love couple often can not have enough sex. However, if a partnership lasts longer, one or the other partner often hardly feels like it anymore. If this situation persists, couples should look for the causes. (Image: Photographee.eu/fotolia.com)

Job stress can reduce your appetite for sex
Christoph Joseph Ahlers, Clinical Sexual Psychologist in Berlin and a member of the board of the German Society for Sexual Medicine, Sex Therapy and Sexology, says: "The core problem is that the partners lose sight of their everyday life and thus of their hands." He explains: "One does not look at each other properly anymore, loses the mutual respect and thereby the desire to sleep together."

Stress at work or with new parents who focus on the baby in the first few weeks may cause one of them to lose their sexual appetite. But also lack of sleep, diseases of the liver or the thyroid, age-related hormonal changes or fear of pain during sex sometimes contribute to one partner reacting to the advances of the other repellent.

In humorous moments ask as humorous as possible
People who are affected tend to attribute their sexual problems to purely physical conditions and turn to their family doctor. "As a first step, this is also correct in order to investigate or rule out causes," explains gynecologist and psychotherapist Regina Hellwig, who is a consultant at the Landesverband Hamburg of pro familia. Although the prescribed therapies can help sometimes, but not always, since the actual partnership problems remain unsolved. The problem quickly reappears. "A first step can then be to ask in a calm moment friendly and as humorous as possible," says Kirsten von Sydow, who has a professorship for Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy at the Psychological College Berlin (PHB).

However, why should only be asked if you can handle the answer. "For example, one partner can experience a significant increase in weight in the other as erotically eroding," said von Sydow.

Search for solutions together
When solutions are searched for together, it may turn out that the tension in the job is a real love killer. In some cases it helps sufferers to think together about how the tasks at work can be tackled differently. Sometimes, however, it also medications such as high blood pressure or the pill, which dampen the desire. If this is the cause of persistent sexual problems, the doctor should be asked for possible alternatives to the respective preparations. If sexual intercourse is avoided because of a newborn in the bedroom, the solution may be to move the baby into the nursery.

Talk to each other
But even if many couples talk - about the neighbors or the garden - it is important, according to Ahlers, to talk to each other. "The sexual desires and needs, but also fears and fears of the other and their own concerns are usually not discussed," said the psychologist. Out of fear, shame or insecurity, many people shy away from talking about their own sexuality. Mostly they do not dare to tell each other their sexual thoughts and fantasies. But Ahlers emphasizes: "Such intimate communication is a prerequisite for maintaining a sexual relationship." If it does not take place, it may be that the sex comes to a standstill.

For some, couples therapy makes sense
Some, however, feel overwhelmed. For example, studies show that women today are more adventurous and self-confident in sex than they were a generation or two ago, demanding the fulfillment of their desires and expectations. As a result, some men feel under pressure, the climax remains off. Here, a couple and sexual counseling can be helpful, says Hellwig.

The sexual psychologist Ahlers does not like to cheer up the love life by visiting the swing club or trying it with constantly changing sexy underwear: "This is an attempt to compensate for what's missing on the outside." Rather, couples should ask themselves about a sexual problem What they want in sexual terms with and from each other. "As long as the two partners can deal with their problem in a friendly and humorous way, there is no reason for a couple therapy", explains von Sydow. However, if a couple does not deal with the problem on their own and find themselves in escalating conflicts over and over again, such therapy can be useful. "Even though at least one of them suffers greatly from the situation and does not know what to do anymore, a couple therapy is indicated", recommends von Sydow. (Ad)