Jealousy only indirectly triggered by partners

Jealousy is only indirectly due to the behavior of the partner

21/03/2012

If jealousy dominates a partnership, those concerned should ask what's really behind it. Reasons for this are often in your own personality and have nothing to do with the behavior of the partner. An open conversation in the partnership can help in many cases against distrust. However, if everyday life is massively jealous, therapeutic help should be sought, experts said.

Where does the jealousy come from??
Often the behavior of the partner is the trigger for jealousy, but the cause is usually based on one's own personality. Who suffers because the partner speaks with the attractive service or the partner talks to the gas station attendant, should necessarily ask, where the mistrust comes from. „It is normal to think about the partner and also about whom he spends his time with. But it is not normal to feel anger and aggression“, explains Elmar Basse, psychologist and couple therapist from Hamburg. These negative feelings are harmful to a partnership.

The psychologist explains that those affected should first tell themselves that there is no reason for mistrust. „Conversations with the partner can help to get that certainty“, says Basse. But that does not always succeed. „Many people know from their heads that they have no cause for jealousy, but they still can not avoid the negative feelings.“ Therefore, jealousy should then push all negative thoughts aside „If you know that there is no real danger, then such a deliberate thought stop is possible“, explains the psychologist. When negative thoughts arise, they should be blocked and devoted to other things.

In more serious cases, the consultation of a therapist is essential. „If an affected person can not think about anything else, he even spies on the partner and tries to control him, this is not a normal form of jealousy“, explains Gritli Bertram, social pedagogue from Hannover. „In particularly bad cases, it can lead to violence between the partners. Therefore, it is advisable to consult a specialist at the first sign of pathological jealousy. Often, oversized fears of loss and low self-esteem are behind it.“ (Ag)

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