Relationships Sex as a power instrument of women

Psychology: Women use sex more often as an instrument of power than men

04/19/2012

Those who have no or very little sex in their partnership for several months should think about the reasons. According to psychologists, sexuality is often used as a power tool in relationships. As a rule, it is women who try to influence their partner. Often, this is the beginning of a vicious circle where the relationship eventually falls by the wayside.

Socialization by the mothers
In many long-term relationships, sexuality only plays a minor role. If couples do not have traffic for several months, psychologists advise to check if physical proximity is used as an instrument of power. „Most people are not aware of that. They then say 'I do not feel like he or she annoyed me'“, reports the psychologist and author Felicitas Heyne. Often, however, hide behind a power game, in which it comes only to give the partner what he wants, even if he does what is expected of him. A vicious circle quickly arises in which one feels victimized and the other permanently punished.

The psychologist explains that it is often women who restrict the intercourse. „This is based on ideas that girls have received from their mothers, such as' sex is something that men enjoy more than women.“ Thus, from an early age a picture is created in which the act represents an option for influencing the partner.

If couples can avoid stress or physical causes for a break, the lull in bed is always a warning sign of the relationship. „If nothing works between them, it's a sign that things are wrong in other areas of the relationship as well“, Heyne says. Instead of talking to each other, many couples would rather downplay the lack of sexuality.

Sexuality is an important part of the partnership
Sexuality should not be neglected in a relationship, because physical closeness plays an important role. For example, couples can schedule fixed dates for intercourse. „Many couples consider this unromantic. But for everything else in their lives, they are ready to schedule fixed times“, Heyne reports. This could increase the anticipation.

In order to rekindle sexuality, children should not stay in their parents' bedroom permanently, the psychologist explains. Only if the child is ill and requires physical proximity of the parents should an exception be made. Children are an erotic killer. The parenting role is by no means sexy. „Anyone who has their children with them in their bedroom every night never slips off the parental role, not even for a few minutes.“

Loyalty in the partnership is very important
Loyalty and mutual trust are also part of a happy partnership. This applies to men and women alike. Last year's CSF survey showed that 64 percent of men and 65 percent of women believe that being in a partnership is the most important thing. The comparison with a survey on the same question from three years ago reveals that hardly anything has changed in this attitude. At that time, 65 percent of respondents said loyalty was the most important asset of a partnership. However, there are changes in communication among couples. In 2001, 46 percent of men and women said conversations were very important. In 2011, it was already 52 percent. Fundamental freedoms are also an important element of a relationship for 46 percent of respondents. In 2001 it was only 36 percent. In addition to loyalty, 61 percent said that mutual trust and honesty were considered particularly important. In 2001, however, it was still 76 percent. (Ag)

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