Tearful farewell in the daycare is difficult for children

As the farewell in kindergarten is not so difficult
Especially in the early days, many children find it very difficult to say goodbye to dad or mom in kindergarten or kindergarten. When the little ones cry bitterly, parents often feel guilty. Experts give some tips on how to deal better with such a situation.

Bitter tears at parting
When little Heiko (name changed by the editors) came to kindergarten, there were always many tears when his mother said goodbye. The three-year-old then sobbed: "Please do not go away mom" and clung to her. Erika Kaiser (name changed by the editors) then plagued guilt. The 31-year-old had just returned to her job. The teacher wondered if it would not be better to leave Heiko at home. Was she not doing her little son justice? In a message from the dpa news agency, experts give tips on how to deal better with such situations.

Most children find it very difficult to say goodbye to the kindergarten. These tips can help ease your grief. Image: Pavla Zakova - fotolia

Parents should initially stay in kindergarten
"Transitions are always something that gives children more or less trouble," explains psychologist Bodo Reuser. The head of the Psychological Counseling Center for Education of the Evangelical Church in Mannheim knows situations like those of Heiko from his working life. He recommends parents to take their time, get used to their offspring in kindergarten and initially stay there. This is also important if the child had previously visited a crèche. "This phase usually takes several days to weeks."

We can do it together!
Even with Heiko in the beginning his mom was in kindergarten. "As long as I was in the kindergarten, everything went well," says Ms. Kaiser. When Heiko was to stay alone in the group after two weeks, there were problems. The night before he said: "I do not want to go to kindergarten tomorrow". In kindergarten, there were bitter tears and the little boy looked desperate. "That took me a lot," the mother recalls. In such situations Reuser advises first to serenity. Often the tearful farewell is only a snapshot.

"The child may have a sense of insecurity or even a sense of insecurity:" I do not want to be here now. "" Parents should not take the child home with them, but signal that we can do it! Together with the child, they can find ways to help against grief. Maybe it makes sense in the beginning to take a beloved cuddly toy to kindergarten? Maybe there is also a teacher or another child to whom the newcomer already has confidence? This can help to overcome the farewell pain.

Do not just sneak off in the morning
When saying good-bye in the morning, Papa and Mama should say goodbye instead of stealing away quietly. "For example, I can show on the clock again when I will come back," says Reuser. Parents should definitely adhere to the time announced and better be there a little earlier than a little later. Even children who have been going to kindergarten for a long time sometimes do not want to leave in the morning. According to Reuser, there are usually no serious problems, but rather "normal everyday stories" such as a quarrel with a friend the day before. It is then helpful to ask sensitive questions and to look for solutions together. "When children notice: Daddy and mom take me seriously, they are usually quick to calm down."

Looking for a conversation with the educator
However, when there is a bigger problem behind the morning's discomfort, parents often notice that in the behavior of their child. "Most parents have a very good gut feeling, if something is not right or the child just does not feel like going to kindergarten," says Sabine Lente of the counseling service for Protestant daycare facilities for children in Bonn. "If it was difficult to say goodbye, the child should be comforted no later than half an hour later." Attention should be paid to parents and educators when a child is depressed for a long time, retires, is uninvolved or aggressive. If parents have the impression that there are serious problems in the kindergarten behind them, such as overconfident behavior of other children, it is important to talk to the educators about their own fears. Then we can search together for solutions. "If I have the feeling during a conversation that the teacher perceives the situation in a different way than I do, there is also the opportunity to ask for advice and solutions in a counseling center," says Reuser. Sometimes it can be useful to see a doctor. Because psychologically conspicuous children need better care, as the professional association of pediatricians of Germany recently warned.

Changes can be stressful
In some cases, there are also changes at home, which are burdensome for the child and make it difficult for the separation. This can be, for example, a crash between the parents, a move or even the birth of a sibling. Reuser also advises in such cases: "The parents should consider together with the child: What would help you? What could we do? "Heiko and his mom also found support from the educator. Meanwhile, the little one likes to go to kindergarten and the tears are long gone. (Ad)