Rituals can help in the partnership

Rituals can help in the partnership

19/12/2013

Rituals generally help to make living together possible. Some of the ceremonies may seem pointless at first sight. In a relationship, they are actually positive and strengthen the we-feeling. For example, if you bring flowers to the partner on a regular basis, the meaning goes beyond the plot. This gesture is a silent ongoing declaration of love. However, if the romantic anniversary dinner or the regular weekend getaway are compulsive activities, it can also be burdensome and the relationship cracks.

Rituals signal constancy
Each partnership has its own rituals and habits. It does not matter what exactly they contain. "Rituals signal that one of the partners is important and that you take time for them, giving them a sense of belonging, security and security," says Doris Wolf, a psychologist from Mannheim. Rituals arise in a partnership usually unaware, but. Common habits develop in the course of a relationship. Even small things in everyday life, such as the morning coffee together, the Sunday walk are symbolic actions that strengthen the togetherness. The relationship becomes something completely „special“, which does not exist again.

Habits can also be distressing
But not all rituals have a positive effect on living together in a relationship. In certain situations, the opponent's suggestions are always rejected or constantly ridden on trifles, quasi the so-called“ running gag“, Rituals quickly become relationship killers. Even at first glance, positive habits, such as getting rid of tiresome tasks, can become a problem over time. "The longer a couple is together, the more often harmful and destructive rituals occur," explains psychologist Hans Onno Röttgers from the University Hospital Marburg. If it comes to a ritualized silence when eating together, the ritual misses its real effect. In most partnerships, it is rather the small rituals that contribute to the consolidation of fellowship. They give the everyday life a structure and strengthen the connection to the partner. Just the romantic food at the annual „Kennenlerntag“, triggers strong emotions and leaves a good memory, says Wolf.

In the course of the relationship, the habits cherished over time can become burdensome if they annoy at least one partner. Over time, a feeling of tightness or the partner feels no meaning in the rituals, this is sometimes the beginning of the end. "Then they just go routinely," says Christa Roth-Sackenheim, a specialist in psychiatry in Andernach. In any case, openness and communication are the nuts and bolts in a relationship. If a man or woman feels that the rituals have a negative effect, it is advisable to talk about it as soon as possible and to change something. However, it is advisable to approach the topic carefully.
Because not everyone summarizes the termination of a pleasant for him ritual positive. For many, it is irritating or even hurtful. "He can even take it as a threat to the partnership," says Roth-Sackenheim. This is certainly not surprising, as it has strengthened the relationship in the past and is now being undoubtedly called into question.

"Sandwich method" is effective
But how can you explain to your partner that something has to change without the other person understanding it as an offense. The so-called „Sandwich Method“ is a proven method in communication psychology to address something in such a way that no negative feelings occur with the other person. You leave on each one „negative aspect“ at least two positives, because in general it is often difficult to take criticism. If the relationship is still intact, both will agree. "It's best to change the ritual according to your needs or to find a new ritual," explains Wolf. (Fr)