Narcissism narcissists suffer only at the abyss

Narcissists live well with their disorder for a long time

16/12/2013

It is not uncommon for people with Narcissistic Disorders to live long without restrictions. But at some point, the personality disorder can greatly restrict the lives of those affected. Many sufferers flee into addictions, experience increasing stress or become lonely, because they are no longer sustainable for fellow human beings. But where can narcissists receive help when they are due to their disorder picture? „always consider the best“ and how can such a mental disorder be detected?

Despite indebted accident no guilt
The wife asked her husband to drive a little slower during a ride in the car. Then the husband drove even faster. „I do not let it dictate how fast or slow I should drive“, the man thought. Shortly thereafter, the vehicle overturned. While the husband only suffered a shock, his wife was seriously injured. After numerous operations, the patient was still suffering from severe pain. In addition, the face was severely disfigured. The husband despaired of the situation. He sought advice from a therapist. When the psychotherapist asks for the reason for his request for help, the man with tears in his eyes says: ”How am I standing there now, with a woman with whom I am ashamed now??”

Very much self-pity and insults
This short story is a part of the new book by Reinhard Haller. The author is a psychotherapist himself and deals with the topic of narcissism. At first glance, those affected are often fascinating. You can quickly inspire other people and take up a lot of space. Not infrequently, patients are able to take others for themselves. But on closer acquaintance, fellow human beings often experience disappointment. With narcissists they encounter egoism and emotional coldness. They do not pay any attention to others. If they feel hurt, they remain silent for days or weeks. Self-pity, on the other hand, has no limits.

On the other hand, if it were not for people who acted narcissistically, today's world would most likely look very different. Great inventions or sporting record performances would not be accomplished. But far fewer people would have committed suicide and would still be alive today. Some dictatorships would not have happened and many family tragedies would never have happened. Because people with this disorder look for recognition, power and fame. They do not pay any attention to others. Losses of fellow humans do not matter.

Outwardly, narcissists seem self-confident, they can and know everything better, are performance-oriented. They know how to behave and they do hobbies that most would decline. The so-called „pedantic narcissist“ is hardly predictable. He asks again and again, always wants to know an advice and under no circumstances take a risk.

How does a narcissistic disorder occur??
Where does this disorder come from? Gritli Bertram, social pedagogue and therapist from Hannover says: „Narcissistic personality disorder is a so-called early disorder that occurs in early attachment / relationship with the mother. It could not be developed healthy self due to lack of emotional fit between mother and child.“

Narcissism and addictions are very similar. Addictions and narcissism start in society and often end in absolute solitude. For on the side of a narcissist, many people hardly keep it. While the addict craves drugs, the narcissist is addicted to self-affirmation. What symptoms can lay people or affected people recognize? Bertram: “Narcissistic disturbed” Patients visiting a therapist often have no symptoms that they can specifically identify. A feeling of emptiness arises in one. Nor can this feeling be filled with great success. You often feel depressed. Life seems meaningless to the person concerned. Again and again he suffers from insults and feels quickly neglected. On the other hand, he often feels great himself or describes his own parents as great. His relationships are constantly breaking up.“

Not curable but soothing
Unfortunately, a narcissistic personality disorder is not curable. In the course of a therapy, however, one can work on the ability to criticize and empathize. Those affected need to seek help specifically. Most, however, do not seek help unless they are close to the bottom of their lives. Because before, life was nice. (Sb)

Picture: sokaeiko