Last wishes are extremely important for the dying

Relatives should attend to matters of the heart
When a person is dying, relatives often find it difficult to ask for the last wish. Because felt, this question marks the moment when hope is given up and death is accepted. But here relatives should try to jump over their shadow, because for dying this "graduation" is very important.

Dying means the fulfillment of a matter of the heart very much
If a loved one is dying, close people often have difficulty "letting go" and accepting the imminent death. Accordingly, it is often difficult to openly ask if one can do something good for the person concerned. "But having to fulfill one's heart's desire once again means a great deal for the dying," says Nazan Aynur of the Regionalverband Ruhr of the Arbeiter-Samariter-Bund in an interview with the news agency "dpa"..

The fulfillment of the last wishes has special significance for the dying. (Image: Photographee.eu/fotolia.com)

Nazan Aynur is project leader of Essen's "Wünschewagens", an initiative that enables the fulfillment of the latest wishes by providing a suitable transport vehicle and trained escorts. Since September 2014, the "Wünschewagen" on the road, with the driving service and the accompaniment will be taken over by volunteers, so Aynur on. "Whether at the destinations a childhood sweetheart, a concert, a football game, a picnic by the lake [...] or perhaps just visit the appropriate hospices in the vicinity - that's up to the passenger," the initiators said on their website http: //www.wuenschewagen.com/. So far, the initiative is only active in North Rhine-Westphalia - but that will probably not remain so long because of the great demand, predicts Nazan Aynur.

Seek help from a hospice service
"People often consume this experience for a very long time," reports Nazan Aynur. The reason for this is that it allows the dumbbell to leave the hospital or hospice for a moment. Because what sounds simple, can not be easily implemented for relatives in many cases, because they are often insecure and do not know how to realize the wish. "Relatives often have the feeling that they can not afford that - and at the same time a guilty conscience," explains Mechthild Schroeter-Rupieper, death and grief counselor from Gelsenkirchen, to the "dpa". In such a situation it might be helpful to seek help, for example from a hospice service.

Also address unfulfillable wishes
Even if a wish can not be fulfilled, it would make sense, according to Schroeter-Rupieper, to talk about this, so that the dying person can say goodbye to him. If it concerns difficult topics, which are reluctant to be discussed in the family, a pastor can offer good help. "In most clinics, they are available around the clock," says Norbert Kuhn-Flammensfeld, Head of the Hospice and Palliative Department at the Archbishop's Office in Munich.

It can also be difficult when dying have a wish that affects the future lives of their relatives. Because concerns such as "I want you to take over the company" or "I wish that you can find a new partner again" can be a huge burden for surviving children or partners, adds Schroeter-Rupieper. Here, too, an open exchange between the dying and relatives can help to clarify the feelings of both and to consider the wish positively. "The desire to make the partner happy again, to fall in love again can, when the time comes, have something liberating," says Kuhn-Flammensfeld.

Unresolved family conflicts are particularly stressful
According to Schroeter-Rupieper, a particularly high burden would be unresolved interpersonal conflicts, because here the whole family is usually involved. People who experience such a situation would therefore also die more severely, according to the observation of the terminal. Last but not least there are of course also wishes that relatives do not want to fulfill, such as the sale of the house or the continuation of the family business. In this case, there is usually great uncertainty about how to behave best. Still agree, so as not to start a fight? Or find open words? Here should be weighed exactly, because "to say yes and then not to do it, can have something very distressing, because you just did not fulfill the last wish," says pastor Norbert Kuhn-Flammensfeld to think. (No)