Housework can trigger partnership conflicts

When domestic work in the partnership leads to conflicts

03/24/2015

Carrying rubbish, washing dishes, washing clothes: At home work, partners often feel unfairly treated. It is often the case that both think and do it „too much“. In order to avoid conflicts as far as possible, household activities should therefore be fairly shared. It does not necessarily have to „Fifty-Fifty“ be called.

Splitting the housework leads to conflicts
No matter if it's about who is bringing down the trash, or cooking or cleaning the food: the division of housework often leads to conflicts in relationships. As the „Berlin morning mail“ Writing in an article on the subject is therefore a common advice to couples to negotiate housework early. But what should a fair distribution look like?? „Fifty-Fifty“ or even „One does everything“? Rüdiger Wacker, a psychologist in Essen, told the newspaper: „The division is ideal if both are satisfied with it.“

Create a list of related activities
Wacker proposes as a low-conflict solution a list of all activities. Each assigns the tasks according to preferences in a ranking. The most unpleasant activity is at the top, the most pleasant below. For example, when comparing the two lists, it is clear: „I like to clean windows and not you, so I do that.“ Elke Wieczorek from the Professional Association of Housekeepers recommends even unloved tasks such as cleaning evenly distributed to the couple or hire a cleaning aid.

Divide work according to free time
Another option is to split the tasks according to free time. So the person leaving the house later can make the beds and those who come home early in the evening can take care of the food. However, the division of housework is not a matter of course. If the partner does not stick to the plan, he should be advised and asked why, Wieczorek advises. If that does not help, Wieczorek could test drive the hard way and leave the housework for a while.

The „Sandwich Method“ can help
In many relationships, it is generally difficult to explain to one's partner that something has to change without the other understanding it as an insult. But if you are dissatisfied with the distribution in your relationship, you have to talk with your partner about your own ideas, explained Wacker. In communication psychology is the so-called „Sandwich Method“ According to experts, a proven method to address something in such a way that no negative feelings occur with the other person. One leaves on each one „negative aspect“ at least two positives follow. (Ad)