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Joint marriage bed more stressful for love?
For most it is clear who is together, also sleeps together. Over time, however, the romance passes. One snores and the other one gets insomnia. Love suffers from it. Often this is the beginning of the end. But that does not have to be, experts say. So when is it better to sleep separately??
How important is it for the love happiness that the couple sleeps in a common bed? This question often comes up, for example, when the partner snores loudly, constantly rolling from one side to the other, or having to get up at night due to shift work. Should I, in this case, submit to the situation and stay in the common bedroom? Or does the relationship also endure if we sleep in separate beds? In an interview with the news agency "dpa" experts shed light on both sides of the coin and give tips for dealing with sleep problems.
Loud snoring often keeps her partner from sleeping
There are many reasons why it can lead to stress and poor sleeping conditions in the common bedroom: One has to get up very early in the morning or is generally unable to calm down and constantly gets up again. It is also possible that someone has to go to the bathroom more often at night or to toss and turn forever. "Very often, however, there are complaints about the partner's snoring," explains Friedhelm Schwiderski, a couple and sex therapist from Hamburg. And here are primarily the women who are suffering: "Men snore frequently and louder than women," adds sleep specialist Thomas Pollmächer, chief physician at the Center for Mental Health at the Ingolstadt Hospital.
Shared sleep can destroy love. Separate beds can help. (Image: gpointstudio / fotolia.com) In cases like these, the idea of having a separate bedroom seems like a little paradise to many sufferers - but the inhibitions to openly address the topic are often too great. Because often men and women have the fear that the desire for separate beds automatically an unhappy relationship means or at least lead to the fact that the partnership is suffering. But what is the solution? Despite all the hardships in the double bed stay? Or dare the unusual and sleep better again?
Women are more likely to suffer from sleep disorders
Regardless of which makes sleeping difficult, the situation should be taken seriously. "If one partner constantly feels disturbed while sleeping through the other, it can put a strain on the relationship," says Schwiderski. The reason for this is that one makes the other responsible for his sleep disorders, moreover, the feeling arises that e.g. the strong snorer is indifferent to the welfare of the partner. Subjectively, women would suffer from a sleep disorder more frequently, adds Johannes Mathis, Head of the Sleep-Wake Center at the Inselspital in Bern. Even though it is assumed that "healthy women are more likely to need more sleep and also sleep longer and have a bit more deep sleep than men," says Mathis.
Rethink other possible solutions before separating the bedrooms
In order to solve the problem, the partners should absolutely get together and discuss different scenarios. However, couple therapist Friedhelm Schwiderski recommends that you do not prematurely give up your shared bedroom - at least not without considering other options. Conceivably, e.g. Earplugs or an additional room, which can be avoided if one has to get up earlier. Separating the bedrooms completely, however, signals that "the partners are physically at a distance," Schwiderski continues. This would initiate a process that is difficult to undo within the relationship, warns the couple therapist.
Dorte Foertsch, on the other hand, looks at the problem from a different perspective. For from the perspective of the Berlin psychologist and family therapist, it would be much riskier for the relationship, if someone add the unpleasant situation and sleepless each night lying next to the snoring partner. Instead, according to Foertsch it is important that in a relationship, the different needs for autonomy are accepted, accordingly, this "[...] also work with separate bedrooms." But instead of just wordlessly to grab the bedding and "take off", should, according to the advice of Psychologist first made an open conversation in which the partner is enlightened. "You could say it like this, 'I just can not sleep well in a shared bed. And I do not want to jeopardize our relationship, "says the expert.
Lack of physical closeness can change the communication
Clearing the motives is also important from Schwiderskis point of view, because under certain circumstances it turns out that snoring is not the real problem. "Perhaps one partner in fact lacks the relationship to space elsewhere," says the couple therapist. Generally speaking, a relationship can certainly work with separate bedrooms - provided, of course, both partners agree with the changeover. But the spatial distance also leads to restrictions, because the lack of physical proximity renounce "on levels of communication that simply can not be reached in a conversation," Schwiderski continued.
The shared bed is important for the feeling of togetherness
Even the US researcher Paul C. Rosenblatt came to the conclusion that sleeping in a room is important for the attachment to the partner. This is also confirmed by the Swiss sleep researcher Mathis, who also believes that the shared bed is important for the feeling of togetherness. According to the expert, not only is sexuality in the foreground, but joint sleeping is linked to a series of other soothing rituals. In order to better deal with the situation, sleeping physician Thomas Pollmächer recommends to stay relaxed - even if it takes a little longer to fall asleep. "We often have too high demands for a good night's sleep." (Sb)