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Let the baby cry for a good night's sleep?
In education, scholars have been arguing for years which way is the better, to help children sleep through. What was obsolete 30 years ago, should vote again today: let babies scream at night. The "controlled shouting" of babies is criticized by a variety of psychotherapists and psychologists as "outdated and damaging".
"Our child does not sleep at night and cries often". Almost all parents in the first years of their children make this experience. Due to the risk of sudden infant deaths in newborn babies, nocturnal interruptions and sleeping in the vicinity of the parents are taken for granted. While neonatal science is largely unanimous and no one expects babies to sleep through, babies over the age of six look very different again.
Do not let babies never cry! (Image: Ramona Heim / fotolia.com) Babies do not sleep through
Babies can not sleep through, they wake up in the night constantly. They have not yet developed an object representation and therefore they do not know if they are themselves (me). The closer the first year comes, the more parents have to deal with the question of when the right time has come to banish their child from the parental bedroom. Also, from the outside, parents of relatives or friends hear well-intentioned "advices" that often result in the child having to learn how to sleep by making the child scream. Some parents feel (justifiably) uncomfortable with this idea. A child that cries, easy to cry? No, many parents feel.
Controlled crying as conditioning
In recent years, the conviction has again prevailed, babies should learn from the sixth month to sleep through. In order for them to learn, they have to be instructed. The often used sleep-through method is the so-called Ferber method. It is about the controlled "screaming", so the child allegedly learns that no mother or father comes at night to calm it down. If this has been internalized by the child, it learns, according to the theory, to sleep through.
In fact, this method has "success" because the child eventually resigns and does not call for his parents. In fact, the child does not sleep through, as some new studies showed. In reality, children awaken at night as often as children are calmed by their parents. "But since they have been conditioned so that nobody reacts to their nocturnal screaming, they do not make themselves felt any more." (Lüpold, 2009).
Resignation is no sleep
Resignation, however, is no sleep through and psychologically, at least worrying. In addition to the bad feeling of the parents, the "Let crying at night" can sometimes have serious psychological consequences. Indeed, recent studies have shown how important it is for parents to respond to the crying of the child at night (Lüpold, 2009). Above all, against the background of a "secure mother-child bond" and the creation of the basic trust in the child is the "let scream" at night for the child harmful.
If object permanence is not yet sufficiently developed, the child, if there is no reaction to the crying cry, believes that the parent has disappeared and is now alone. The baby has no chance to develop a confidence that mother and father are there to meet the needs. Lüpold assumes that the development of attachment to the parents is at least made more difficult if not disturbed.
Sleep through with 12 months?
When the child is one year old, many parents try to "let them scream". Although the child can now crawl or even walk, it would be downright fatal at that age to make the child scream, because in this period of time particularly pronounced loss anxieties predominate in the child. In addition, negative consequences for the development of later self-esteem seem to result, as the self-confidence develops from the basic trust. Thus, it is beneficial for the child, although patience and care at night by the parents are present until the child shows himself that it is able to sleep through.
Infants check their safety at night
Other studies have shown that the child's sleep behavior is different from that of an adult. Infants and toddlers have a very active sleep and display a "fragmented sleep pattern" with numerous transitions, according to Tarullo. But this knowledge does not help, many parents will think while reading the article. Because the nightly sleep interruptions are very exhausting and rob many times the last energy. However, the child's sleep pattern has a purpose.
Evolutionary biology tests children at night when they wake up to see if they are still safe and have a known caregiver in their immediate vicinity. If no person is nearby, they would be exposed to dangers in the sense of the original nature. The nocturnal awakening continues in adulthood to test the environment. Except that adults in most cases do not remember waking up the next morning.
Even in terms of learning psychology, the child's sleeping behavior has a weighty reason. Evidence suggests that the typical sleeping pattern of toddlers facilitates learning (see also Tarullo et al., 2011). In the first year of life children learn at a fast pace. The new experiences have to be sorted, processed and stored. Developmental studies show that sleep has a high value in memory consolidation. What the child has learned during the day is stored in the sleep. The brain also experiences sensory stimulation during sleep and continues to learn while sleeping.
When do children learn to sleep through??
But when can children "sleep through"? Most psychologists see sleep as a kind of maturation process. If the child's brain has matured, you will be able to sleep through it all by yourself. However, it is difficult to make an exact point in time because every child grows at their own pace. There are children who sleep at the age of 15, others only at the age of four.
Due to increased demands on performance, children, especially in Germany, are expected to sleep through after only 12 months. This is not the case in many other countries, including Western countries. There, parents, psychologists or educationalists are more likely to be between the ages of 3 and 5 years. Almost naturally, children in southern countries sleep in their parents' bed or at least in the same room until the children themselves want to sleep in the nursery.
Anyone who knows about this will put less pressure on them and can better ward off pressure from outside. It can help to look more calmly on one's own inner restlessness and tiredness. To simplify falling asleep itself, rituals help.
Rituals to fall asleep
It is important that the time of going to bed happens at fixed times. However, it is crucial to interpret the signals of the child correctly. When it gets darker in the winter, children tend to get tired earlier than too bright seasons. Then it can be helpful to adjust the sleep time to the seasons. Before bedtime, procedures such as changing clothes, washing and diaper changing should be done in a warm, calm and relaxed environment. Instead of romping or joking, a book should be viewed in the pajamas / baby sleeping bag before going to bed. This ritual should be permanently installed so that the child knows that bedtime is about to begin.
However, if the child does not fall asleep, external circumstances may prevent it. Questions are: "Is the diaper wet", "Is it too cold or warm", does the child have a cold, cough or fever? Especially when the latter is the case, children need more attention and security than usual. Lingering next to the child until it falls asleep makes sense to signal safety. If the child wants to romp, it should be put back into its original position. Again, it is important to be reassuring and not to rant or talk. In the past, parents sang a "good night song" to their children. That too works wonders. It is not the textual security important, but the drowsy monotonous tone. (Sb)
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